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Relationships, Love, Whatever

Some musings on relationships, love, whatever: ten year success story.

I write this after lending my wife P6,500 to assist with her OFW brother's hospital payment for his wife. To be repaid by him.

I also write this in response to many posts who have declared they have found the love of their life, and they could no longer live without her. Whatever she wants, whatever she asks, is hers.

The alternative to that is suicide, which is always an option, but one I have never considered.

I wanted to be a father, and have a family. I met a girl with a four month old son and married her. Am I "in love" with her?

Hell no!. Am I the knight in shining armor arriving on a white stallion teenagers always dream about to pick them up and to provide "and they lived happily together, forever after"? Hell no!

Am I "in love" with my wife? No. Is she "in love" with me? No. Do I love her? I don't know. Does she love me? I don't know that either. Neither is important to me. Our life together IS important.

I will compare my/our life together with that of any other couple that I know, or am familiar with. For me, my life exists for our children, my time alone (Internet and reading), our ex-pat friends and in-law family and neighbors. We come together when our interests meet.

For her, her life exists for our children, her time alone (friends, family, and neighbors), shopping, and when we share things together.

Is she replaceable? Absolutely, except as the mother of our children. Who would want to step in and take over four children and a 13 year old niece that is part of our family?

Am I replaceable? Only by someone who can afford and is willing to provide private schooling for our five children.

I hold the hammer. I have NEVER abused it. Straight arrow. One woman. Never looking, wanting, or playing.

Almost like a business contract. "I will" and "you will".

The "deal" was; this is what I want, and this is what I will give. I never asked for, and I never promised, love. Ten years married, and neither of us has any regrets. (Each of us has retained the option to hit the street and search elsewhere.)

I believe in the "Golden Rule" as a hammer, which must be recognized prior to any negotiations. However, if used too forcefully, the crumbs may not be worth having.

Those who ask for the world, and expect to give nothing in return, will end up as the losers they have always been.

The woman you are involved with, wife or girlfriend, also has expectations. The only way to set up a win-win(non-loser) situation is to recognize, and accept or deal with incompatable expectations.

In addition to my wife's holding an infant son, her comment "It is not my ambition to marry a foreigner" was a major "selling point".

She had no ambitions for a "green card", I had no thoughts of ever returning to the US.

The P6,500 I lent to my wife's brother WILL be repaid, in one, two, or three months.

I live in the real world. I set the rules in MY world. My ball, my court, my rules. Play or go.

"But my internet girlfriend, the love of my life, whom I cannot live without wants ...................

"Sorry Charlie".

Mike Farrell, Cagayan de Oro