Some Musings on Relationships, Love, Whatever: Ten Years In

Relationships, Love, Whatever

Some musings on relationships, love, whatever: ten year success story.

I write this after lending my wife P6,500 to assist with her OFW brother's hospital payment for his wife. To be repaid by him.

I also write this in response to many posts who have declared they have found the love of their life, and they could no longer live without her. Whatever she wants, whatever she asks, is hers.

The alternative to that is suicide, which is always an option, but one I have never considered.

I wanted to be a father, and have a family. I met a girl with a four month old son and married her. Am I "in love" with her?

Hell no!. Am I the knight in shining armor arriving on a white stallion teenagers always dream about to pick them up and to provide "and they lived happily together, forever after"? Hell no!

Am I "in love" with my wife? No. Is she "in love" with me? No. Do I love her? I don't know. Does she love me? I don't know that either. Neither is important to me. Our life together IS important.

I will compare my/our life together with that of any other couple that I know, or am familiar with. For me, my life exists for our children, my time alone (Internet and reading), our ex-pat friends and in-law family and neighbors. We come together when our interests meet.

For her, her life exists for our children, her time alone (friends, family, and neighbors), shopping, and when we share things together.

Is she replaceable? Absolutely, except as the mother of our children. Who would want to step in and take over four children and a 13 year old niece that is part of our family?

Am I replaceable? Only by someone who can afford and is willing to provide private schooling for our five children.

I hold the hammer. I have NEVER abused it. Straight arrow. One woman. Never looking, wanting, or playing.

Almost like a business contract. "I will" and "you will".

The "deal" was; this is what I want, and this is what I will give. I never asked for, and I never promised, love. Ten years married, and neither of us has any regrets. (Each of us has retained the option to hit the street and search elsewhere.)

I believe in the "Golden Rule" as a hammer, which must be recognized prior to any negotiations. However, if used too forcefully, the crumbs may not be worth having.

Those who ask for the world, and expect to give nothing in return, will end up as the losers they have always been.

The woman you are involved with, wife or girlfriend, also has expectations. The only way to set up a win-win(non-loser) situation is to recognize, and accept or deal with incompatable expectations.

In addition to my wife's holding an infant son, her comment "It is not my ambition to marry a foreigner" was a major "selling point".

She had no ambitions for a "green card", I had no thoughts of ever returning to the US.

The P6,500 I lent to my wife's brother WILL be repaid, in one, two, or three months.

I live in the real world. I set the rules in MY world. My ball, my court, my rules. Play or go.

"But my internet girlfriend, the love of my life, whom I cannot live without wants ...................

"Sorry Charlie".

Mike Farrell, Cagayan de Oro


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Oh my God. why you live

Oh my God. why you live philippines [word deleted by moderator]. You cant buy a life of a person. Dont insult filipinas.

Hey Joe,   just simple

Hey Joe,


just simple comment, if you dont want to help dont say nasty words for filipina, you generalized the women in here. Why you just go back to your own planet. [word deleted by moderator] you.

happiness by any other name


I know you said you were not "in love", and I am sure that you believe that totally.  I think however that often people dont really know how happy they are, how much they love their partner, how totally invested they are in the others lives, till they lose them.  It is enough that you are happy now.  I remember there was a time that my wife (now deceased) asked me directly "are you happy?", and I was kind of without words for a little while.  Like you I thought I was content, comfortable, and any number of other adjitives to describe an ok spirit about our lives.  It never occured to me that I should be filled with joy on a daily basis.  I told her I was content in our relationship.    I lost her about 7 years ago and came then to know.. just how very happy I had been, and the beauty of that love was that I never had to think about it and could enjoy the luxury of not thinking about it each day or having to seek any daily "joy".  But joy was there and I did not know it till I lost her.  I am now married (for about 5 years now) to a Philippina lady, and like you have adopted two of her children (a 3rd is an adult with kids of her own).  I am coming to this new life and relationship with my eyes opened and I hope I will never take that "comfort, and contentment" for granted.  I hope I will always each day seek the happiness of her and to find a new way to enjoy our time together.  I often feel I may have wasted much of my previous 29 years of marriage, by missing these things.  I hope not to miss whatever I have left, with the lovely lady that has ageed to spend that time with me. 

Unlike the other writers, I do not see in your writing any intended disrespect for your wife or of Philippinas, but merely one mans way of dealing with his own life.  I for one just think there is much more there then you can admit to yourself exists.. and assuradly more then you think in terms of feelings on the part of your wife.  But hey!  It is no one elses business how you deal with your own matters of the heart, or finances or family, or whatever.  Good luck and may you continue to be content in your life and lifes approaches.



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