Bring a friend
Another post reminded me of the Philippino Phenomenon that I call "Bring a friend".
Before my last trip there I met some girls on the Internet and arranged to meet them in person when I got to their city. Shortly before my departure I made firm arrangements about what time, where to meet etc. then almost all of them said "Do you mind if I bring my friend with me that night?".
The first few times I was taken aback and said, "Forget it, just go out with your friend if you like them that much.". However this attitude wasn't really sustainable as I was quickly losing friends with just a few days to go before my trip so I relented and allowed them to bring their friend.
Now, my question is WHY did they do that? Was it the chaperone thing or was it because they wanted their friend to also get a free meal/drinks? I suspect the latter because these girls weren't exactly the shy and retiring types (they weren't exactly bar girls either) and they had no problem being with me. For some very strange reason they just wanted their friend with them when we went out and I couldn't understand it.
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inexperience and the comfort of the tribe
After just two years, I'm already so used to this kind of thing that I forget that dating is much less formal where we are from. It's certainly true - especially for the province girls and younger ladies who haven't had serious relationships - that they don't have much experience with dates. There is also more value here placed on not being serious until marriage, and then marriage being more serious than in the west. Legally, it's far more difficult to get a divorce here. There's no divorce here, according to many laws, although there are apparently exceptions.
There might be some people who take their friend just to give them a free lunch, but I don't think it's usually the main thing. It's more about being conservative and about being nervous with new people. And when they're nervous, they fall back on what's familiar.
I think you could find some who would be more comfortable meeting alone; they'd tend to be the more experienced, older ones. I'm sure you've heard the cliche, that when you marry a filipina, you now have a huge extended family. It's rare to have a filipina who isn't close with many friends and family.
You forgot
Don't defend gold diggers. While it is certainly true that Filipina's are much more reserved and conservative than American women, you neglect the fact that many Internet Filipina's are looking for a handout or a green card. That's a simple axiom, which many neglect to mention. I have been married to a wise Filipina for 3 years who loves her family dearly but knows the bounds between peaceful matrimony and assisting her family.
fair enough
I didn't mean to defend gold diggers. You're probably right that many, even the majority, of ladies on phils dating websites are like that.
safety in numbers
there is no intent of gold digging for an extra meal.. its all about safety.. she doesnt really know you.. how can she ? she is trusting that you havent got some social problem and havent misrepresented yourself on the net..she also will have friends along to observe how you interact with her.. they are there to pick up on your body language, mannerisms etc...if you're smart you can observe how she inreacts with her friends and what kind of people her friends are..this business of bringing a friend also helps to smooth over any awkward moments that may arise..keep it light, relax and have fun as a group..if she likes you then u will a chance to be alone in the future...trust me.. she will be more impressed with you being a gentleman and allowing her friends to come along.
if u two dont click..who knows ? you might click with one of her friends
sound as a pound old fart
sound as a pound old fart
Free Meal?
It is for protection and to fill in awkward moments. Free meal? Filipinos do not care about free meals, we are eating all the time 24/7, all the neighbors invited! What is wrong with you? Is that due to the fact that you can barely afford a meal for yourself how much more to treat others? You people have nothing to offer these Filipinas, you don't have the money nor the luxury that they think you'll provide. I would like you to tell these ladies that after bringing them to the US they have to work at walmart and help you pay the rent and see if they still want to go....