Bring a friend

Another post reminded me of the Philippino Phenomenon that I call "Bring a friend".

Before my last trip there I met some girls on the Internet and arranged to meet them in person when I got to their city. Shortly before my departure I made firm arrangements about what time, where to meet etc. then almost all of them said "Do you mind if I bring my friend with me that night?".

The first few times I was taken aback and said, "Forget it, just go out with your friend if you like them that much.". However this attitude wasn't really sustainable as I was quickly losing friends with just a few days to go before my trip so I relented and allowed them to bring their friend.

Now, my question is WHY did they do that? Was it the chaperone thing or was it because they wanted their friend to also get a free meal/drinks? I suspect the latter because these girls weren't exactly the shy and retiring types (they weren't exactly bar girls either) and they had no problem being with me. For some very strange reason they just wanted their friend with them when we went out and I couldn't understand it.

 

inexperience and the comfort of the tribe

After just two years, I'm already so used to this kind of thing that I forget that dating is much less formal where we are from.  It's certainly true - especially for the province girls and younger ladies who haven't had serious relationships - that they don't have much experience with dates.  There is also more value here placed on not being serious until marriage, and then marriage being more serious than in the west.  Legally, it's far more difficult to get a divorce here.  There's no divorce here, according to many laws, although there are apparently exceptions.

There might be some people who take their friend just to give them a free lunch, but I don't think it's usually the main thing.  It's more about being conservative and about being nervous with new people.  And when they're nervous, they fall back on what's familiar.

I think you could find some who would be more comfortable meeting alone; they'd tend to be the more experienced, older ones.  I'm sure you've heard the cliche, that when you marry a filipina, you now have a huge extended family.  It's rare to have a filipina who isn't close with many friends and family.

You forgot

Don't defend gold diggers. While it is certainly true that Filipina's are much more reserved and conservative than American women, you neglect the fact that many Internet Filipina's are looking for a handout or a green card. That's a simple axiom, which many neglect to mention. I have been married to a wise Filipina for 3 years who loves her family dearly but knows the bounds between peaceful matrimony and assisting her family.

fair enough

I didn't mean to defend gold diggers.  You're probably right that many, even the majority, of ladies on phils dating websites are like that.

safety in numbers

there is no intent of gold digging for an extra meal.. its all about safety.. she doesnt really know you.. how can she ? she is trusting that you havent got some social problem and havent misrepresented yourself on the net..she also will have friends along to observe how you interact with her.. they are there to pick up on your body language, mannerisms etc...if you're smart you can observe how she inreacts with her friends and what kind of people her friends are..this business of bringing a friend also helps to smooth over any awkward moments that may arise..keep it light, relax and have fun as a group..if she likes you then u will a chance to be alone in the future...trust me.. she will be more impressed with you being a gentleman and allowing her friends to come along.

if u two dont click..who knows ? you might click with one of her friends

sound as a pound old fart

sound as a pound old fart

Free Meal?

It is for protection and to fill in awkward moments.  Free meal?  Filipinos do not care about free meals, we are eating all the time 24/7,  all the neighbors invited!  What is wrong with you?  Is that due to the fact that you can barely afford a meal for yourself how much more to treat others?  You people have nothing to offer these Filipinas, you don't have the money nor the luxury that they think you'll provide.  I would like you to tell these ladies that after bringing them to the US they have to work at walmart and help you pay the rent and see if they still want to go....

you ever thought maybe her

you ever thought maybe her friend is her boyfriends sister?

ome reas

ha ha! then why call us kano or joe and spit in front of us in your contry. 90 milyon people 600,000 jobs in the pi. walmart job is a good job. dont complain about paying bills, its our culture for a majority of us to barely make ends meet. maybe you should have did some reasearch then you would have known america isnt handing out jobs and free food to everyone. wow wow wee.

'Is it ok if I bring a friend along on our date?"

 

My experience has been similar to the original poster also... I remember one girl I dated for about 2 weeks in particular, we even travelled a long distance together by ship within the Philippines to meet her family..... The whole time we were never left alone even for a few minutes due to her older sister acting as chaperon for her.  However, my friend was a virgin -and she was very young being about  20 years old.  But, even though it didn’t work out between us in the end,  I do not doubt her intentions of being serious with me if I had chosen to continue to pursue her.  My most curious bring a friend date and the one that I believe that may have been just  for a free meal for her and her friend(s) was when I invited a girl I had just met who worked at a retail store. I invited her to lunch and she said "ok come back at 12 noon". When I arrived back at her work  she asked if she could bring a friend along and I agreed.  Next thing, about 6 girls from her store tagged along and since I didn’t want to act like I was cheap I agreed to pay for their lunches also after we ordered.  However, during the lunch conversation, the girl I had invited told me she wasn’t interested in me in so many words.  I still wanted to pay anyway coz I felt it was only 500 peso and they probably earned only 100 peso a day each.   I’m not a womanizer and I really am looking for just one girl to marry, but I learned that the bring a friend thing is usually requested by virgins or girls that may not be ready for a serious relationship for whatever reason or just don’t really like you that much (aren’t serious with you).  And I have gone on bring a friend dates where it seemed in retrospect that the girl I was attempting to suit was not serious at all and may have just been bored and wanted to go out of the house on a date for something to do –even though I had clearly explained my intentions beforehand.  I noticed that girls that already had children or have already been in intimate relationships in the past usually do not request nor care to bring a friend along usually.  To be honest..... I like when the friend comes along anyway, maybe that friend will turn out to be my real match and if there is a communication problem then it usually is resolved between the two of them.  My only tip: you be the one to choose the place to go, don’t say "Hey, wherever you want to go is ok with me...”  I learned that philipinas are not shy about ordering expensive food at a restaurant, I’m sure they all assume we americanos or foreigners all have alot of cash.  I don’t blame them, if I was a pretty philipina woman, I'd give the men suitors hell if I could. I not talking about lying or scamming...just normal stuff like dating rituals including wine and dine.  Most American woman are still 20 times worse in the case of dating and their expectations as a whole in my humble opinion..........

chaperons are the observer

Bringing a chaperon to a date is ussually a mannerism to the filipinos why? it is filipinos are known most conservative of all, to bring a friend into a date is to avoid for some sexual harrasment to happen or physical abuse . why do filipinos have this kind of thoughts? its because  of what  happened to some other filipinas that were rape and killed by some other foreign people so from that incident  filipinos are more aware not to give trust right then  to the foreigners . for the filipinos the chaperons from the date are very important, why? it is not because  of have them  free meals etc. it is because  the friends will also look how the guy looks, if it can be trusted and how he manner, the chaperons there are the observer. and about filipinos will bring you the very expensive restaurants? it is because  they are confused on  what kind of foods do foreigner ussually eat so for them to make sure that the one who will pay the food eat well. filipinos are depth they will test you how sincere u are to them. and if they find out that u only dating them for some sexual interest you will lost a points and maybe they will take you for an advantage, filipnos are interesting  all you have to do is  get to know them deep the deepest u can .

Most of the Filipina arent

Most of the Filipina arent like that. But more or less most of the Filipina who lives in provinces far from manila still respect their culture. I will be straight forward... Most of us (men) do date girls and most of the time even it is just our 1st time to met if you show me that you like me I will hook up with you immediately. 

Back in Philippine Culture based on what my Filipino friend before you get in under Filipinas skirt you must first COURT her. This is a sign of respect to them. 

Hey dude how to post on this forum... its about an hour but i still cant figure it out...

golddiging girls

look guys most filipina's know there is a big differents between going out with a filipino and going out with you, so bring a friend will better safe then dissrespect her self and her family,  as for gold diging, girls every where in the world are looking for some thing better at lest a filipina stops looking after she gets married. most of you are scard you will lose your house if she sells it well what did you really lose $10,000 in canada you would lose over 10 times that so you are still getting off lucky, I think you are missing a piont here respect each other and you will have a life long partner one that will mos likly never remarrie after you are gone. lets face it most of the girls are young enough to be your kids so learn so respect for the woman that takes such good care off you

sorry for delay

Hi, Sorry for the delay.  To create a new forum topic, you need to have a "trusted" account.  I've made your account "trusted" now, so you can create a new topic by using the top left menu after you login.  Unfortunately we have to restrict posting for new members and visitors due to webspammers.

Chaperon

Bring a Chaperon and go back to school!  You write here as if you were texting a message. hehehe

What a way to start out...

This question became moot when I read the oxymoron "I was meeting girls online..." Figure out your idiocy here, and you will be closer to bettering your life.

from my experances

From my experiance their not all bad and not after your money! been there 3 times so far and on my second marriage to a filipina woman. The first one was from the city not a bar girl but knew her way around town. When she got here she wanted to go places all the time but i had to work to pay the bills and only get vacation once a year. Needless to say she should have married a retired guy with money so she could go any and everywhere she wanted. but she didn't come for the money it just didn't work out between us. I'm now in the process of my second marriage to a filipina woman after 2 more years of being alone but she's from the farm and so different from the first one. She really beautiful and has a 7 year old child that i call my daughter and will adopt her, The funny tihng if my fiance had it her way she wouldn't be here i would be there and tell you the truth i rather live there than here in the US because i love it there in the philippines but i'm not old enough to retire and i wouldn't be able to support us there so for now we will be togehter here in the US. She really big on the ways of how she was brought up cleaning of the house cooking and just wanting to take care of me and all she ask in return is that i love and respect her as she does me. I see a very very long relationship between us like forever. point being if you want a party girl get one from the city! If you want a long lasting loving wife then get one from the farm. good luck to all and God bless!

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